Stephanie Moreland
Professional Writer & Photographer
Stephanie Moreland
Professional Writer & Photographer
Yoga Taught Me How to Touch My Toes...and Much More
This entry was posted on 11/18/2007 12:25 AM and is filed under yoga.
Here I am with less than two weeks left of my four-month journey, and I still don't know what my next step in life is. The questions are rolling around in my head like marbles in a pin-ball machine, "Should I try to freelance full-time? Should I try out graduate school? Should I just work a few months at a time and then travel to the next destination? Should I be a teacher?" The biggest mistake I made on this trip was to expect that all of the answers about my future would magically appear during the four-month duration of this trip, and this expectation is casting a shadow over the final days of my journey.
So I resort to something that has worked for the past five years when I need focus, clarity, and some peace: I pull out my yoga mat. Or, in this case since I have no yoga mat in Italy, I pull out my ratty towel and have a seat on the cold tile. As I go through my chosen set of poses, I replay the same conversation over and over again in my mind. "Why can't you ever decide on anything and stick with it? Why don't you just want one thing? Why can't you be like other people and just stick to traveling down one road." All of these self-defeating thoughts seem to dominate my practice today. This is not a good thing. Anyone who knows anything about yoga would say that yogic principles are all about self-acceptance, patience, and an appreciation for being right where you are at any given point in life. But today, I can't seem to apply those principles to my own state of mind.
The next thought that pops up in my mind is the most dangerous thought of all. It's the thought that you don't want to have when you have lived, learned, and had as many experiences as I have had during these past months. Suddenly, I thought to myself, "None of the bad things about you have changed. You have not evolved at all." As this thought passes through, I reach out and clasp my toes in a forward bend and rest in this position for a while, trying to breathe through my negativity.
As I'm breathing, I have a sudden flashback to high school. It was ninth grade. I wasn't very athletic then. It was before my days of cycling, running, and working out at the gym. And it was long before my days of practicing yoga. I had this memory of being in gym class and we had a final series of exercises that we had to do that would determine our final grade for the class. One of the "tests" was a flexibility test---we were expected to touch our toes and hold it for 10 seconds. I was a very good student then, and for the most part, I made really good grades. Up to this point, I had an A in gym class. I remember the gym teacher, clipboard in hand, whistle around her neck saying, "Okay, Stephanie, let's see it." So I leaned over, reached with all my might, and missed my toes by a good two inches. I pushed and pushed until I thought my hamstrings would snap, but there was no way my fingers where going to reach my toes. I was embarrassed and crushed, and my grade was dropped to a B. Who gets their grade dropped in gym class because they can't touch their toes??
This is a memory that I have cataloged and never pulled out since this very moment, years later and hundreds of miles away from where "the toe-touching incident occurred". But nevertheless, I am remembering it now right there on my floor in the middle of Rome. Then I recognized that I was grasping my toes with the palms of both hands with very little effort....and it felt really good. Then I knew, that although some things about me may never change, I will always continue to evolve, and that I must accept and be grateful for this evolutionary process. And I must remember that even though I may not be able to touch my toes---or know what my future holds---I must continue to seek the answers and not discourage my own evolution by convincing myself that my challenges will always be the same challenges.
In ninth grade, being able to touch my toes was a big challenge. It seems that I've been able to overcome that one. So in the future my current challenges will be something of the past---and knowing that is part of the power of yoga.
So I resort to something that has worked for the past five years when I need focus, clarity, and some peace: I pull out my yoga mat. Or, in this case since I have no yoga mat in Italy, I pull out my ratty towel and have a seat on the cold tile. As I go through my chosen set of poses, I replay the same conversation over and over again in my mind. "Why can't you ever decide on anything and stick with it? Why don't you just want one thing? Why can't you be like other people and just stick to traveling down one road." All of these self-defeating thoughts seem to dominate my practice today. This is not a good thing. Anyone who knows anything about yoga would say that yogic principles are all about self-acceptance, patience, and an appreciation for being right where you are at any given point in life. But today, I can't seem to apply those principles to my own state of mind.
The next thought that pops up in my mind is the most dangerous thought of all. It's the thought that you don't want to have when you have lived, learned, and had as many experiences as I have had during these past months. Suddenly, I thought to myself, "None of the bad things about you have changed. You have not evolved at all." As this thought passes through, I reach out and clasp my toes in a forward bend and rest in this position for a while, trying to breathe through my negativity.
As I'm breathing, I have a sudden flashback to high school. It was ninth grade. I wasn't very athletic then. It was before my days of cycling, running, and working out at the gym. And it was long before my days of practicing yoga. I had this memory of being in gym class and we had a final series of exercises that we had to do that would determine our final grade for the class. One of the "tests" was a flexibility test---we were expected to touch our toes and hold it for 10 seconds. I was a very good student then, and for the most part, I made really good grades. Up to this point, I had an A in gym class. I remember the gym teacher, clipboard in hand, whistle around her neck saying, "Okay, Stephanie, let's see it." So I leaned over, reached with all my might, and missed my toes by a good two inches. I pushed and pushed until I thought my hamstrings would snap, but there was no way my fingers where going to reach my toes. I was embarrassed and crushed, and my grade was dropped to a B. Who gets their grade dropped in gym class because they can't touch their toes??
This is a memory that I have cataloged and never pulled out since this very moment, years later and hundreds of miles away from where "the toe-touching incident occurred". But nevertheless, I am remembering it now right there on my floor in the middle of Rome. Then I recognized that I was grasping my toes with the palms of both hands with very little effort....and it felt really good. Then I knew, that although some things about me may never change, I will always continue to evolve, and that I must accept and be grateful for this evolutionary process. And I must remember that even though I may not be able to touch my toes---or know what my future holds---I must continue to seek the answers and not discourage my own evolution by convincing myself that my challenges will always be the same challenges.
In ninth grade, being able to touch my toes was a big challenge. It seems that I've been able to overcome that one. So in the future my current challenges will be something of the past---and knowing that is part of the power of yoga.